Making the decison to TTC battling with thoughts and fears

I'm constantly in two minds all the time about having children or not.

Ok I'm not trying or anything but at the moment I am battling with a few things in my head about pregnancy and babies.

We have agreed to wait awhile and even when we do try we won't 'try' we'll just see if it happens. Do have a moment where you think 'yup ready now' or is is best to just let nature take it's course and let what will be, be?

I can't ever imagine it happening to me- I can't imagine falling pregnant or being pregnant.
I have been wondering why people can't wait to try as some days I don't know whether I want to try- the whole thing just worries me, what if it happens striaght away what if it takes years, what if pregnancy highlights a major health problem
How do I know when the right time is? I know there is no right time finically blah blah, I'm thinking emotionally really- I'm worried that I will never be the same again and my life will stop and we will never have time for each other again.
I'm aware of how life changing it is but I have so many things in my head about it that I don't know what to do.

Arghhh! words of wisdom? anyone?

I don't believe you ever feel ready-I certainly didn't wake up one day and think 'right, thats it I'm ready'. David really struggled initially when we found we were expecting too, just scare at the reality, although he's fine now.

As for it not happeneing quickly, or highlighting a major health problem, then I think the answer to both is you won't know until you try. I've got a heart murmur, but they've just kept a closer eye on me, and done a heart ultrasound ( I've had it all my life, but it never hot looked into before). You can screen for things like downs of that bothers you, bit somthings you just can't plan.

Don't get me wrong, its a scarey time, and I've had the most silly questions going through my head-what f I have an ugly baby, what if I have an ugly baby, but I don't realise its ugly, and everyone is pulling faces brhind my back, what if i can't cope etc. When I got past 12 weeks, and the sickness stopped, but before i felt movements, I'd do things that I knew would make me feel sick-like drinking coffee, just to check they made me feel sick so i knew i was still pregnant.

Then theres all the weird changes that go on inside you body-when I lost sight of my toes at 12 weeks, or my belly button seemed to get really shallow overnight, and sometimes I really freak myself out looking in the mirror at my bump-it just looks odd at times!

I think everyone worries, its natural, and I can't begin to tell you wat it feels like-the only thing I can say its similar to, id when you weren't engaged, and you imagined what oyur wedding would be like, but actually once you started planning, many things were different to how you thought-its in of like that-not sure if I'm making any sense.

The thing is, people have been doing this for years, and seem to cope.

I'm sure that I've not really reassured you, and I still worry about things on a daily basis, but I have also chilled out somewhat, and I'm just seeing what happens.

Good luck Jess. xxx

Thank you Michelle, I see what your saying about comparing it to planning a wedding- I never imagined that would happen either and it has!

Recently I have been thinking about it more and more- especially practically which makes me think that I must be getting near to ready!

We stopped using anything, and carried on as normal, rather than actively trying. I think reading some posts on here, and other forums, you really can try too hard to get pregnant.
I'm sure you'll be fab jess, and when it does happen feel free to PM me about an niggles etc-we've all been there, worried sick, and thinking rediculous things that you just need to be reassured about xxx

Yeah thats what we are thinking of doing I don't fancy using charts, thermometers, etc.

Just been talking to my mum about my niece (in my avater) and she was saying that she wanted to take her to my nans and I said 'oh well maybe one day you will have a baby R to look after' and she went all werid and said 'oh yes dear that would be lovely' I actually got scared! my mum is broody for me!

LOL! I think its something parents expect when you're married, at least if your mum has your neice, it takes some pressure off you.

You sound like you have a healthy attitude to it all anyway, let me know if I can help with anything else-I'm no expert but I'll try xxx

My mum has three grandchildren as I keep telling her she doesn't need anymore! lol

Thanks for your support

I'm not sure what I can add to this. I think each person approaches it differently because each person is different, for me I was broody for quite a while, despite being on the pill I'd cry everytime AF arrived! How silly!! Then we decided to try fairly quickly, I didn't think about any of the practical things, for me and OH we wanted a baby and that was the most important thing in our minds we didn't really discuss money, housing etc we just decided to go for it, gave ourselves 8 months due to planning our wedding and conceived first month. To me you are over thinking it, but we are two different people, obviously this is you and I think maybe there'll come a time when you either decide to just go for it, throw caution to the wind, or you will find a time that you do think is perfect. Life changes completely and it will never be the same again, but different is still good for us. We spend our evenings together, generally watching tv or a film we both fancy, we've been out for dinner many times and had Seph sleep in his pram. We tend to walk places so as not to disturb his sleep too much and it works for us, we get to go out together and he still has his sleep. Also what is your support network like? In my experience friends without children don't understand, I know that is a bit general and I know there are exceptions (I have friends that do understand) but it is hard to understand until you've had a child - do you have friends with children? Do you have people to babysit from time to time? These things do make it all a lot easier, sure you won't get loads of weekends away with your husband, but we've been away lots with Seph and it's just as nice, a bit more restricting, but it depends where you want to go and what you want to do, we're happy to sit in a restaurent and then go to our room and share a bottle of wine.

ok 2 more things! LOL

Jess, try not thinking about the ttc and pregnancy but more about the baby, when deciding to start trying I'd leave questions about how long it'll take etc at the door and just concentrate on your life with a baby as it is, there is no predictions, say you found the perfect time then it took a year to conceive.... it might not be the perfect time a year and 9 months later.... I think ultimately unless your standard of living is below low there isn't a wrong time, you just have to feel ready in youself for a baby and I think that's the main thing to focus on...

Michelle, once you have that gorgeous baby in your arms there'll be no doubt that everyone thinks he/she is the most beautiful baby in the whole world. although in the grand scheme of things no babies looks gorgous, their faces are puffy from labour they're probably a bit gunky beofre their bath. but they are beautiful to you, you won't notice those things and it will never cross your mind to think anyone else will.

Sally&Seph wrote:ok 2 more things! LOL

Jess, try not thinking about the ttc and pregnancy but more about the baby, when deciding to start trying I'd leave questions about how long it'll take etc at the door and just concentrate on your life with a baby as it is, there is no predictions, say you found the perfect time then it took a year to conceive.... it might not be the perfect time a year and 9 months later.... I think ultimately unless your standard of living is below low there isn't a wrong time, you just have to feel ready in youself for a baby and I think that's the main thing to focus on...

Michelle, once you have that gorgeous baby in your arms there'll be no doubt that everyone thinks he/she is the most beautiful baby in the whole world. although in the grand scheme of things no babies looks gorgous, their faces are puffy from labour they're probably a bit gunky beofre their bath. but they are beautiful to you, you won't notice those things and it will never cross your mind to think anyone else will.

I'm past caring now, it was just something else on my long list of worries at the beginning!
I've been fortunate enough to have you lovely ladies calm me down about everything! x

Hi Sally

Thanks for your reply, its really interesting to hear others takes on it. I think your right as long as both of you really want a baby then all the other stuff doesn't really matter. Who knows how life is going to change in the next year or so anyway?

Hi Jess,

I find what you say about not feling 'quite' ready interesting, Ive felt like that for a year or so now, well since we got married really (sept 06) and never thought i'd wake up and think right htis is it - ready......but I have!

About a week or two ago, for no reason at all I just totall feel ready and want a baby so much it hurts! We are still waiting a year for financial reasons, car will be paid etc and we'll be in a position where we should be able to manage.

I still have all the worries but the longing for a baby has taken over!!

Good luck with everything, i keep telling myself people have babies all day everyday and they all cope so I will too!!

x

I thought I was ready and after my m/c I felt like it would be a long time before Id be ready again. I didnt have the chance to be ready when I fell with Tobey.
Its such a hard decision, I honestly dont think you can ever truely be ready.
Some days I feel ready for a 2nd and others its the furthest thing from my mind!!

So really I cant offer a lot of advice. Whatever you decide we are all here xx

Thanks ladies.

In the last month I have have felt so ready it's scary! it really hit home when another one of our friends annouced their pregnancy and I just wanted it to be me! It took a few days for me to discuss this with Clive and when I did I was shocked to learn that because I had said no for so long he had dismissed all thoughts of becoming a father out of his head and he was infact desparate!

After yet more discussions and considerations we have started trying- we were both freaked out after the first time thinking OMG are we doing the right thing but I think what will be will be and we just have to wait and see.

Jester wrote:Thanks ladies.

In the last month I have have felt so ready it's scary! it really hit home when another one of our friends annouced their pregnancy and I just wanted it to be me! It took a few days for me to discuss this with Clive and when I did I was shocked to learn that because I had said no for so long he had dismissed all thoughts of becoming a father out of his head and he was infact desparate!

After yet more discussions and considerations we have started trying- we were both freaked out after the first time thinking OMG are we doing the right thing but I think what will be will be and we just have to wait and see.

Well I hope that things go well for you!! Dont forget to keep us updated!!

I don't think you are ever 100% ready to have kids Jess, Best of luck with what ever you decide xx